Looking forward to 2019, I never expected to encounter the sheer amount of profound grief that appeared around me. Coincidentally, since February 2019, I have been slowly making my way through a recorded Enneagram workshop on grief led by Suzanne Stabile. Normally, each of us, whether the same Enneagram number or not, experiences grief differently.
Suzanne grounded for me the importance of allowing grief and the healing process in the moment, rather than sweeping the pain under the rug. We miss the opportunity if we avoid; years later the same intensity for healing will not be available from all the years of avoidance.
Grieving involves the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, or a missing desire and regret in life never fulfilled, for instance, a situation of never having someone love you with all their heart. Grieving includes anything that causes us sorrow or deep pain. The definition of grief from the online Dictionary dot com highlights the sorrow:
keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.
Most of us feel uncomfortable around someone deeply grieving, especially when the pain involves the death of someone close. Death is final and no amount of comforting a grieving friend will bring that life back or fill the void of a lost family member, spouse, child or dear friend. My first wish for anyone experiencing a loss; grieve, allow the grief to flow.
For those of us near someone grieving, hold their hand, sit with them, encourage their grieving process without needing to “fix it”; let them tell their story for often in the telling comes the healing. Also, for a beautiful description of what happens when we die and the end of life phenomena, search on You Tube for the conversation with researcher Dr. Peter Fenwick interviewed by Thanatos tv.
The perfection of life never ceases to amaze me. I adore how the flow of life serves us in every way. My thoughts had been gathering for this blog about grief for a few weeks, when the other morning, I awoke with a deep pain in my chest and lungs as tears welled up in my eyes. I felt a tender mix of profound love and profound grief as I hugged my sleeping husband; love for our deep shared love and grief for all the years I had craved and not experienced such love.
My chest physically hurt and yet felt so good to grieve what I never allowed myself to grieve. I realized life was giving me the experience of personal grief and not only the secondary grief I felt from several dear friends who recently suffered the sudden loss of a family member and a spouse.
I realized that hidden, suppressed grief pulls our frequency towards the lower emotional scale. It dawned on me that by allowing ourselves to grieve, and by loving ourselves for our grief, we actually move our frequency towards compassion and gratitude — the upper emotional scale.
Grieving is a beautiful human capacity and offers us a rich emotional intelligence. Grief draws us into the present moment overflowing with great pain yet great relief. May you be strong and allow grief as it arises in a situation or by freeing the suppressed story for healing. I believe in you!
Below are a few tips to support the grieving process:
📌 Choose the ideal environment and safe space for you; whether alone or in an intimate friendly space with a trusted friend, or in a safe group setting.
📌 Choose a comfortable position, either seated or laying down. Ask your trusted friend or group to join you in this journey.
📌 Place one hand on you chest/heart region, one hand on your belly. Breathe into your heart and breathe out through your belly. As you breathe in, bring love into your heart as you say: “Body (or your name).” As you breathe out, let any uncomfortable feeling release as you say: “We are safe.” This way you create a healing circuit:
→ inhaling love into the heart and saying “body (or your name)”,
→ exhaling any uncomfortable feeling while saying “we are safe.”
📌 This process often brings the grief to the surface allowing it to release. Let the pain and grief flow in whatever way it chooses.
📌 If with a trusted friend or group, ask them to let you share your story, your pain without needing to stop you or take away your pain, your grief. This is actually harder than it appears. Stay vigilant and tell your story.
📌 Revisit this process as often as you need. It is a beautiful, loving way to become free of emotional burdens often too uncomfortable to express.
I hope this helps, and, if you have any questions, please feel free to reach out!